Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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