If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
