there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
