yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
