his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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