you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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