I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
