i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
