No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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