I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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