He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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