How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
