Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
