He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm too high and old for this...
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