so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
