What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
