I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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