I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
