Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
