Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
