so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
