Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I want a musical about memes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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