You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
