This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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