a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
