ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
