I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
