yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
