Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
