Life is so much better after having sex.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
