I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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