Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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