I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
