so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
