dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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