Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
