I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
As shirtless as possible
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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