I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
