Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
