He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
