Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
