a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
