got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
