You're so nebulous sometimes
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
