I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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