Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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