waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I am naked and annoyed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
