I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm like, not good at living.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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