plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
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I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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