Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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