he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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