Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
