Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
