It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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