i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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