just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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