woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
