I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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