Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
