ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
