It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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