My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he thought i was a dude.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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