i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
