i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I could fuck to npr.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
