if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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