I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
