No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
