Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
