I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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