I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
