Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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