We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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