I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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