Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
