and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
