wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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