that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
