So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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