i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
