best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
