You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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