who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think my vagina is haunted
home. puking in laundry basket.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Oh god it's open bar.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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