I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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